or Sarah Continues to Attempt to Overcome Being “Present Challenged” by Asking a Lot of Cool People What They Do.

The holidays are here!  As we try to keep up with all our work amidst the parties (and yes, do go to them!  As our friend, publicist Joy Donnell, says, “You’ve got to leave your house”) and try to figure out when it’s “safe” to leave town so as not to miss any last minute work or auditions, actors have yet another dilemma.  What is appropriate present etiquette when it comes to agents, managers, assistants, casting directors, clients and the rest of your team?  Even after being here for ten white-lights-on-palm-trees seasons, I’m still unsure how to navigate the waters.  I want to show my appreciation, not leave anyone out, and yet not go overboard and blow my budget.  Instead of my usual haphazard approach, I decided to use our network to try to get some answers.

One of the first people I asked for their opinion was actor Ben Whitehair.  Ben has tremendous people skills, and I think it’s fair to say that he makes a great impression on everyone he meets.  I asked him if he buys holiday gifts for his agent and manager.

I like to show some form of gratitude for all members of my team, including any and all of my representatives. Yes, they work for me, but (hopefully) they work really hard and make my life better and easier. Just as one might give a gift to their secretary, boss, or other co-worker, I think it’s appropriate to show your gratitude. With that said, I think that especially if money is an issue, people will appreciate a thoughtful hand-delivered card just as much as they would a basket of mini muffins. In the end, I think it’s about showing respect and thanks all year round for the most important part of your career, your team.

How about for the assistant(s)?

Absolutely. It turns out that assistants can very often make your life a HECK of a lot easier. Need a time frame for an audition, but know that you’d probably be pushing your luck with the agent…? Maybe an assistant can bite the bullet for you. Beyond that, assistants are probably the least well paid and most under-appreciated people in any office, so showing them some love at the holidays will go that much further.

Do you buy gifts for casting directors that regularly call you in?  Or ones that you’ve booked through?  What about directors or producers?

I think it all comes down to the individual relationship. You need to give gifts to people because you appreciate them in your life or things they’ve done for you, not out of any expectation of reciprocity. I will also add that giving gifts to people who might not expect them–the producer of the TV show you had a one-line co-star on; the director you worked with 11 months ago on a project you really loved; the casting director who cast you in your first movie–can go a long way.

Should the gifts (for agents, cds, etc.) reflect the size of the job/how much money they have made you?

Again, I think it depends on the individual relationship. I will say, however, that I hear from myriad people on the other side of the desk that they often receive far more wonderful gifts and shows of thanks from the actors at the beginning of their careers when they book some tiny co-star, than those actors who were given a series regular job. Just remember that the more successful you become, the more it’s probably appropriate to thank those who have helped you get there along the way.

As a final note, I don’t think anyone should feel obligated to get anyone gifts. If holiday gifts aren’t your thing, then take your team out to dinner in April during a slow week, or randomly drop some flowers off in May. It’s far more about the thought than the dollar amount.

I then asked my friend Ben Davis, who is an extremely talented actor and acting teacher at the Ivana Chubbuck Acting Studio.  He had a totally different take on the matter.  Here is what he had to say about presents for agents:

I don’t buy my agent gifts. They get ten percent of what I earn annually (before taxes) and I figure that that is gift enough. While it is true we are business partners, they in the end work for me. Were I prone to bake cookies (or write holiday cards for that matter) I might send them those as a kindness. But I doubt it.

It has been my experience that actor’s are constantly put in a position where they are made to feel they need to be thankful. “I’m going to bake cookies or send greetings to my agent to remind them I’m around, or in the hopes they’ll send me out more.” If that’s the nature of your business relationship with your representation – you don’t have a business relationship with your representation. I’m not saying that I necessarily think it’s a bad idea for those who are so inclined, but if you are baking cookies or sending cards as some sort of a business strategy, you’re crazy.

How about for casting directors that regularly call you in?  Or one that you’ve booked through?  Or directors?

I guess this comes down to personal taste. I have a large family and getting gifts for my nephews is enough time and expense for me. The casting directors that call me in regularly do so because I help them do their job. The directors that hire me do so because I help them tell their story. No one in this industry is going to call you in or hire you out of the kindness of their heart. They call you in or hire you because you’re good. So again, I don’t necessarily discourage a small gift or a holiday card for someone you’ve done business with on a given year, but I reject as false the notion that it is an important part of an actor’s business strategy. Further, you potentially run the risk of seeming needy. Neediness is about as effective in selling yourself as an actor as it is in getting you a date.

If you give them – should the gifts (for agents, cds, clients) reflect the size of the job/how much money they have made you?

Absolutely unequivocally NO!! Agents get ten percent. That ten percent grows in relationship to the size of the job. If my agent wants more out of me, he or she can work harder at raising my quote. As for directors and casting directors the larger the role, the more difficult it is to cast. If I booked a large role I did them a favor – not the other way around.  Further, I think it is a bit tacky to demonstrate your disposable income at anytime of year.

You are a teacher, do your students give you gifts?  Do you think it’s appropriate?

Some of my students give me gifts, and they know me well enough to know that I don’t respond to ass-kissing so I take it as a friendly gesture that I warmly welcome. I certainly don’t treat gift givers better than non-gift givers, and vice versa. Appropriate? sure. Necessary? Of course not.

Are consumable gifts – cookies, wine – great or annoying?

Cookies are typically a bad idea for actors as most of us are in a perpetual state of watching our weight. I’m not a wine drinker, but always appreciate a bottle of Maker’s Mark or Johnnie Walker Blue if any of my students are reading this…

I loved Ben Whitehair’s kindness and generosity and Ben Davis’ pro-actor toughness, but I hadn’t found much consensus, so I continued to ask around.  Brian Vermeire, actor and CEO of Holdon Log/Performer Track had yet another take on the whole gift giving venture.  Brian looks at gift giving as a cohesive part of his business strategy and I appreciate his thorough knowledge of what is tax deductible which he makes clear in this answer:

Be smart about gifting your Agents. Don’t make the fatal mistake of buying a $150 gift basket for the entire agency with a card that reads:

Dear XYZ Agency:

Thank you for everything – you are all fantastic to have as my agents!

Happy Holidays & Happy New Year,

-Joe Actor

That is a lost opportunity when gifting. Not only that, but you have just thrown $125 of tax-deductible expenses for your business as a performer down the drain. Why? Because as a performer you are allowed $25 per person/per year to use as a tax deductible “Gift For Business” (see the Holdon Log article “Can Business Gifts Be A Tax Deduction?”).
The IRS looks at a gift for the entire office as a gift for a single entity, thus losing out big-time when you do this.

That’s a great point and a mistake that I have made unknowingly many times (and that my expensive accountant at tax time never pointed out to me!).  With that said, his advice on how to personalize the cards for different agents doesn’t quite sit right for me, personally.

Assess what each rep has done for you and your performing business the entire year.  Spend up to $25 on each individual agent (maybe more if it has been a really big win financially for you because of what your rep has accomplished for you).  Then write a personalized card attached to that gift that assesses the year with them like this:

Dear Susan:

What a great year we have had! Thank you for your hard work at getting me into 123 auditions (which resulted in 67 Callbacks and 14 Bookings by the way!).

It is at this time of year I am especially grateful to have you on my team and can’t wait to see what you & I are in store for in 2011!

Happy Holidays,

-Joe Actor

A note like this with your gift does a couple of things. It not only expresses gratitude for their efforts, but more importantly it puts into place clear benchmarks that your agent has to meet, beat or exceed the following year. When the New Year begins, it is more likely your agent will work harder on your behalf than someone who is aloof with their career.

I don’t know, there may be actors that are completely comfortable with this, but for me, when I give a gift and a card, I want to make it about the person I’m giving the gift to, not about me.  I did, however, appreciate Brian’s firm opinions about the rest of the holiday etiquette matters.  Here are his thoughts:

Gifting The Assistants:

The assistants to your agents/managers should be given a gift/bonus from their bosses (the agents/managers themselves), NOT from the performer. The assistants are paid employees and are not getting a commission off of your bookings. Unless they have “Wowed” in some BIG way – the practice of gifting them is not necessary.

You can of course include them in your card list and if you want to give them a token of appreciation in that card, a scratch off lottery ticket or $5.00 Starbucks gift card will do.

Gifting Casting Directors, Directors, Producers, etc.:
You should, of course, include these individuals in your holiday card list (and if you want, include a token of appreciation in that card).

The best thing you can do when it comes to rewarding a Casting Director, Director, Producer, etc. is to follow-up with them AFTER you completed the job you just booked and give them a card & gift (again up to $25… or more if it is a big time booking).

What To Give:
Don’t be generic. This is a relationship business! Spark up conversations with your representatives, directors, producers…. Find out what they enjoy. Do they have a pet, a favorite charity, a hobby?

When you are in their office, look around and be observant!  A good example was a time we wanted to gift a business contact (who “wowed us”) and recalled being in her office and seeing lots of pictures of giraffes and her knack for always fetching a fresh cup of tea. The perfect gift was finding a ceramic mug in the shape of a giraffe alongside a box of exotic teas (thank you Cost Plus!). She loved it because it showed we paid attention to what she likes!

While I appreciated the wide range of actor opinions I was finding, I wanted to talk to some others in the business.  Career Coach Dallas Travers always has great insight into relationship building, so I was curious to hear what she had to say:

Do you have an opinion about actors giving gifts to their team – agents, manager, lawyer, publicist, etc?  Is it appropriate, necessary, an opportunity?

It’s just good business.  In the same way that a great boss gives bonuses to her team, treats the staff to an occasional lunch, provides benefits and vacations, an actor must show his team appreciation as well.  This is not a bribe.  It’s good mojo.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that an expensive gift is a better gift, either.  I recommend giving something thoughtful, original, and actually inexpensive.  Personalized post-it notes, inspirational quote magnets, a money tree, or a Staples ‘easy button’.  It truly is the thought that counts.

I talk a lot about how an actor can add value.  The value you add & the way you contribute to your industry relationships is the new currency for every actor.

Do you have a sense of the etiquette around assistants, i.e. your manager’s assistant?  Should they always get a present if you are giving one to their boss?

Try to find an office-friendly gift.  That way, everyone gets a little something.  Trust your instincts on this.  If it’s ALWAYS the assistant calling with appointments, maybe the assistant deserves a special gift just because.  As a boss, I can tell you that I appreciate when my clients honor my team even more than I appreciate when they honor me.

How about casting directors, directors and producers who you have a relationship with?

Yes.  If you have a legitimate relationship, a small thoughtful gift is more than appropriate.  Think about how you can add value in the form of sharing of time, information, and energy as well.   Now, if you are not in a relationship and you are giving a gift in an effort to forge a relationship, people will sense your ulterior motives.

If you’re unsure… use dating or another industry as a barometer.  If you sold car insurance, what type of gift do you feel would be appropriate to share with biz colleagues?  How would you feel if a girl you just met bought you a watch?

Are consumable items – homemade cookies, champagne – appropriate?

I personally think they’re great.  But that’s because I like to eat   Try to stick with user-friendly gifts.  These days, you never know who’s gluten free, free range, Kosher, diabetic, sober, allergic to nuts, or just trying to lose some weight.

I think at the root of actors confusion about all of this are a few main issues.

1 – We are professionals doing our job and we don’t want to undermine that by thanking people as if they were doing us a favor.

That’s interesting.  I see how actors may feel that way, but I don’t think that entrepreneurs necessarily do.  Every successful person understands and appreciates the importance of expressing gratitude, whether it’s a realtor thanking a former client for a referral or an actor thanking a CD for a great role.

2- We want to show our appreciation.

See above…  The trick is to express appreciation authentically.  If you’re giving a gift because you think you should ‘take advantage’ of an opportunity, the motivation may be a little off and your gift may not have the right effect.  But if you’re inspired to thank your colleagues, a sincere and simple gift will do the trick.

3- We sometimes have very large teams and limited budgets!  Do you have any creative suggestions for how to navigate through the gifting process with our team, ego and budget in tact?

Last year, I had 80 clients, students or colleagues I wanted to give a gift to.  So, I decided on a ‘lucky rock’.  I went to Michael’s and bought a bag of river rocks along with a silver metallic sharpie.  On one side of each rock, I wrote “wish” and on the other side, I wrote “granted”.  I placed each rock in a mini Chinese take out box (also from Michael’s).   Shazaam… 80 cute and thoughtful gifts that people really loved.  It cost me about 2 hours of prep work and less than $40.00 for the whole thing.

You could also create a cool card listing “My Favorite Things of 2010”.  Design a fun layout at vistaprint.com.  This simple card could feature an inspirational quote, your fave manicure spot, favorite Blog and a list of must-have songs.  If you package it well, this simple list could be a lovely and thoughtful gift for a large group.

What about 12 note cards with great holiday cocktail recipes on them?
You could also donate a can a food to the food bank in lieu of a gift.  Then, offer up a card expressing that the donation was made in whomever-you’re-thanking’s honor.  The note card could even be Warhol’s  classic Campbell’s Tomato Soup image.

When all else fails, a sincere thank you letter is often the perfect gift

I really appreciated Dallas’ comparison of actors and entrepreneurs.  We do all run a small business (Me, Inc.), whether we like it or not.  And entrepreneurs are rarely burdened by the shame and self-deprecation that we actors are so prone to.

Casting Director Marci Liroff’s answers ultimately made me start writing up lists and perusing cards online.  She so clearly honestly appreciates the cards and gifts and in the end that speaks to me far more than any business strategy.

Do actors often give you gifts at the holidays or after booking a role?  How do you feel about that?  Is it appropriate?  Is it welcomed?

I don’t often get gifts, but when I do it’s very special.  I don’t think many people understand just how much the CD is involved in helping an actor get the role.  Yes, you can be very good and right for the role, but when it comes down to deciding who gets the part, the producers/director/studio execs/network execs ask us for our opinion based on our experience with that actor.  Will they be professional?  Will they help us make our day?  Will they come up with new stuff we hadn’t even thought of?  Will they be a distraction on the set?  These are all the things that the CD will have input on and can steer the role towards you – or away from you if your reputation isn’t stellar.

It is GREATLY appreciated to be acknowledged by the actor with a simple thank-you note.  A gift is certainly not necessary or required (you’d go broke!) but it’s definitely appreciated.

If they give something to you, is it appropriate to give something to everyone else in the office as well?

Again, I think you’d go broke trying to give gifts to EVERYONE.  You also have to understand that sometimes the idea of the actor for a particular part can come from not just me, but from my staff – so they too should be included in the thank-you note or gift.  You can give one gift that we all can share.

Are there ever times where gift giving or particular gifts seem unprofessional?  Are there times when someone hits exactly the right note and does it exceptionally well?

This season, I had an agent give me children’s plastic jewelry.  I’m still trying to figure that one out!

I’ve been given some unique gifts in the past.  After I cast Kelly Preston in a film, View From the Top – I remarked to her that I’ve now cast her in 3 films (one of  in which she met her husband-to-be, John Travolta).  I said jokingly, “Kelly, at the very least, you owe me a houseboat or something!”  The next day her assistant arrived with a very large box.  When I opened it, I found “Barbie’s Dream Houseboat”.  It was hilarious!

The lead actress in The Paul Reiser Show, Amy Landecker, sent me a gift card for movies at AMC Theaters. That was thoughtful!

The lead actress Carla Gugino in my last movie, Mr. Popper’s Penguins, sent me a box of cookies and fresh, cold milk!  We all indulged in that one!

As you can see, everyone’s answers were unique, and we are left in that somehow frustrating but also liberating place that we so often get to in this business: there is no right answer.  We must find our own way through holiday gift giving like everything else in this career, and yet I believe there is one truth that all of the interviewees were getting at.  Do what feels authentic to you, with generosity, respect for yourself and your budget, lots of creativity and a dash of business savvy.

Photo of Sarah by Andy Hayato Riddle